Exactly 7 years had passed. The worst times of my life passed, and so did some of my best years. Accepting that I had vaginismus and truly beginning to fight it happened only after exactly 7 years. During this time, I went to doctors 3–4 times, and there was no book I did not buy. But as they say, vaginismus is a disease of postponement. This is a very true statement. I had chosen someone and was in a wonderful relationship. You know that white knight we always wait for? Well, I had found mine. While everything was going well, he broke up with me for no reason. I was devastated and could not recover. We made peace 2 months later. Of course, since we had broken up for no reason, I did not accept it right away. Seven months passed like that, then another breakup. After 3 months apart, fate brought us together again because of another bad event. We continued again; and we broke up again. I had had enough, I had given up. A whole year had passed. During that time, I could not think about vaginismus at all. I did not research anything. However, when we were together, I still went to the doctor 2 times. We could not get results in either case; we could not establish good communication. When I first understood vaginismus and went to a doctor for the first time, about 4–5 years ago, I was told that my hymen was thick and that I needed surgery. I was scared, I did not have it done, and besides, I was not even married. Years later, I am now sharing the success I achieved. One day, after 1 year had passed since our breakup, I had truly had enough. I realized I needed to face this, and I spent a whole week researching. What drew me to Vardar Clinic was hypnosis. I said I should try it, but I admit I was very afraid. On top of that, I also have a fear of male doctors. Vagınismus patients are already hesitant about male doctors, anyway, somehow I motivated myself and went. When I first met Ender Bey, I entered the room crying; I was so emotional that I said, I am going to cry a lot, I am sorry. Honestly, I was shy, I was scared. In the first session, I told him about myself, my relationship, and my disappointments… He explained sexuality to me, the importance of sexuality in my life, and that he had not had a patient up to that point who could not achieve this. After the next session, I felt much more relaxed. I was hypnotized. I established very good communication with Ender Bey. Eventually, my treatment continued with Nilay Hanım. I truly do not remember a moment like that; I cried while telling it. Nilay Hanım spoke with me with tears in her eyes, and she believed in me more than I believed in myself. She always talked about how strong I was and that I could achieve anything, and motivated me. I can never repay what I owe her, and I especially want to say this: being very knowledgeable about this subject, being a university graduate, or thinking you know a lot does not help at all. The only important thing is believing in yourself and doing everything the doctors say one by one. While I was in treatment, I learned that someone with 13 years of vaginismus had been treated successfully and had overcome it; now I have succeeded too. When I see the word vaginismus now, a smile comes to my face, like a memory left in the past. I will thank Ender Bey and Nilay Hanım for life… For believing in me and helping me succeed…
Note: I got back together with the partner I had broken up with, and we realized this had been the main thing missing in our lives, and now we have reconciled again to get married.
