In our society, sexuality is perceived as if it were something that should be known from birth. However, sexuality is learned later; a person learns to receive and give pleasure through trial and error, first by discovering their own body and then the body of the opposite sex. In other words, sexuality is a behavior that can be learned and improved, just like learning to drive a car. The CİSED Oath we developed for this purpose is below:
“Sexuality is the science and art of being able to receive and give pleasure, and to share the soul and body, in a relaxed and loosened state, by focusing on the pleasure of lovemaking and touching…”
Sexual exercises can be used in sexual dysfunctions, and they can also be practiced by couples who do not have a sexual problem but want to bring variety to their sexual life. We prefer to call them “love games” instead of sexual exercises. It is never too late to get more pleasure from sexuality. You may turn to love games in order to experience pleasures you have never tasted before in your sexual relationships and communication with your partner, to have more fun than ever before, and to become closer than ever before. To get more pleasure from sexuality, first of all, talking is necessary. We see that most couples do not talk about sexuality. Because men do not talk to their spouses about sexual matters since they identify sexual power with masculinity and see satisfying their wives as a matter of manhood. Women, on the other hand, do not talk either because they do not want to appear too willing or because of the widespread belief in society that “the man should do everything in bed.” When both sides do not talk, they cannot be aware of each other’s wishes, desires, and expectations.
However, sexuality is a special situation shared between a woman and a man, and the more openly and sincerely both sides express their feelings and thoughts, the more beautiful their sexual life will be. What is important in talking is to make sure that the messages you give are not misunderstood. Instead of saying, “You always think of yourself, you don’t care about me, my sexual pleasure is not important to you,” you can say, “If we keep foreplay longer, we can spend more time together in bed, so I can feel you more.” If you express your thoughts this way while talking, your partner will not perceive these thoughts as nagging. Moreover, they will not feel criticized and will accept reconsidering the behaviors that bother you.
Creating the ideal environment for a pleasurable and satisfying sexuality is also very important. For lovemaking, an environment is required where the couple will not be disturbed, where they will be comfortable, and where the temperature and light are sufficient. Of course, the environment can also be arranged according to the couple’s special wishes and preferences. Sweet talk, soft pillows, and relaxing music create an ideal environment that will increase the couple’s sexual energy. Do not make love right after eating. Before lovemaking, avoid cold drinks, ice cream, or ice. Because indigestion or cold foods may reduce sexual energy. Also avoid sexual intercourse when tired, hungry, or angry. Because this can also cause imbalance in your sexual energy. Relieve your toilet needs half an hour before lovemaking. Entering sexual intercourse with a full bladder is uncomfortable. Making love in excessively cold or excessively hot weather may cause imbalance in the electromagnetic field. Do not work too much before and after lovemaking. Since the muscles relax, it may become harder to recover energy.
90% of sexuality is caressing, lovemaking, kissing, and receiving and giving pleasure through touch. The rest is the movement of the penis inside the vagina; in fact, that too is an act of friction and indirect touching. Touching is very important for developing closeness and comfort between the couple. The secret of sexual happiness lies in couples knowing each other very well. In order to know your partner’s body well, it is essential to touch lovingly with sexual pleasure and by giving sexual pleasure, from the lips, face, chest area, and hands to the hips, legs, and toes. Thus, you will discover the mystery of your partner as you touch, you will enjoy the new feelings that emerge, and both of you will experience very exciting and pleasurable moments. We recommend that couples give each other erotic massages. Without touching the sexual organs and breasts, first the man can give the woman, and then the woman can give the man, an erotic massage with baby oil and soft touches. What is important here is to enjoy the moment, for the person touching to focus on what they feel at their fingertips while touching, and for the person being touched to focus on their partner’s touches and the pleasure they receive from being touched. In sexuality, it is necessary to focus on the moment and not think about anything other than the act being done. Thus, the couple becomes closer, and the sense of intimacy and trust increases. The couple can arrange this game according to their own wishes. Instead of baby oil, a pleasantly scented cream or massage oil can be used.
Relaxing music may also accompany the massage. The couple can guide each other verbally or through movements on how to touch each other. What they will do is actually something left to the couple’s imagination.
Sufficient foreplay will lead both sides to pleasure. Foreplay, which is extremely necessary for experiencing a longer, more sensitive, and more enjoyable sexuality, for controlling ejaculation in men, and for women to reach orgasm more easily, is also necessary for increasing the pleasure obtained from sexuality and for making sexual incompatibilities less common. For this reason, couples who devote enough time to foreplay have a healthy and happy sexual life. Stimulating the woman’s clitoris during foreplay helps her both receive more pleasure and reach orgasm more easily.
The most important part of love games, sexual creativity, consists of sexual mischievousness that should be planned in advance and has no routine.
- Sharing sexual fantasies,
- Meeting at a bar so partners can woo each other again,
- Sending each other erotic messages during the day,
- Playing with erotic clothes,
- Provocative undressing,
- Playing with paints,
- Playing with the senses,
- Making use of sex-shop toys,
- Taking a bubbly bath together with your partner,
- Leaving small love- and lust-filled notes for your partner,
- Making love in different places,
- Making erotic surprises,
- Giving an erotic massage,
- Watching an erotic movie together,
- Drinking wine and dancing by candlelight,
- Buying small gifts and spoiling your partner,
- Surprising your partner,
- Going to romantic settings such as watching the sunset or sunrise together that will bring partners even closer to each other and increase romance,
- Assuming different roles,
- Writing a story about how you met your partner and how you fell in love with him/her,
- Stimulating the anus or prostate gland,
- Oral love games,
- Showing your partner through actions and words that he/she is always loved,
- You can try love games such as saying naughty words out loud, etc.
Be bold in your sexual life, try to become a player far more skillful than you can even imagine, and build a rich sexual love games repertoire.
Kegel exercises are also beneficial exercises for both women and men. We call these exercises love muscle exercises. When Kegel exercises are described to clients, they are told to contract their love muscles once or twice every day. Many women have difficulty finding their love muscles. During the exercises, they work their abdominal or thigh muscles instead of their love muscles. If clients are not aware of their love muscles, provided they pay attention to keeping the abdominal and hip muscles relaxed, they are told to start urinating frequently and then stop immediately. The muscles that contract while stopping the urine flow are the love muscles. If this exercise is difficult for clients, they are advised to insert their index and middle fingers into the vagina and try to squeeze their fingers. The muscles working during this exercise are the muscles to be worked during Kegel exercises. Men can also do Kegel exercises by tightening and relaxing the anal muscles. Success in Kegel exercises is directly proportional to using the proper technique and following a regular exercise program. In Kegel exercises, for each unit exercise, the muscles should be contracted for 10 seconds and then rested for the same amount of time. Contraction and resting should be performed consecutively 5-10 times. During the exercises, normal breathing should be maintained and attention should be paid to ensuring that only the love muscles are working.
This unit exercise should be done at least 5-10 times a day. Although some experts claim that overdoing the exercises and practicing them while urinating may cause discomfort, the criterion for adequacy is feeling pain in the groin. Love muscle exercises help women reach orgasm more easily and help men control premature ejaculation.
Doing relaxation and breathing exercises before intercourse will also relax the couple and increase the pleasure they will receive. Exercises such as yoga and pilates will also increase the pleasure obtained from sexuality because they accelerate blood flow in the pelvic region.
